Understanding the love of God is something that hasn’t come easy to me, to be honest I am still actively trying to understand it. We all know that Jesus came and died for our sins and that because of that sacrifice we now have access, not just to salvation but to a relationship with the Father. However His love, His love is so complex and illogical to my human nature. Maybe it’s the way I was raised, in a home where only my mother’s standards and ways were enough and anything including curiosity outside of that was simply discouraged. My grades, my behavior, the things I liked or didn’t like all determined whether she was happy or proud of me. Which recently led to the discovery of perfectionist issues.

I felt as if I had to earn God’s approval, His attention, His favor and His love. So, on my bad days I felt as if I couldn’t go to Him, especially if I had sinned. How could I go to God looking like this? See, though I was told God was a good God, I imagined God as this big bearded man that sat on His throne looking down on us ready to zap us out. After all, He was God, Grand and Holy, of course He would be disappointed if I did something wrong, if I broke the rules. Ultimately, He just wouldn’t want to be around someone who just doesn’t get things right, who does anyway? I mean how many times can you make the same mistake and expect things to just be good?  Yes, I had heard it again and again that He was a forgiving God, that He was loving who loved us all. But when I compared my life to others at church I felt like sometimes God wasn’t listening to me or He simply skipped my turn. It wasn’t until I personally received the revelation in my heart by the Holy Spirit of God’s love did I begin to understand.

I understood that all this time, while I was trying to “fix” my life or obtain other people’s approval or feel accepted and loved, God was right there waiting on the other side, already loving me, He already approved me, smiling at just the thought of me. When finally, my soul, began to understand that no matter how many hours I prayed or didn’t pray God was not going to love me much more or any less. I was striving to obtain attention that was already on me. Looking for a love that would fulfill me, looking for someone who wouldn’t leave me when they saw the real me, the me that we all try to hide. I was used to people hurting me, leaving me once I got really close, rejecting me once they saw my attitude or issues; it all just told me I wasn’t enough. His revelation came one day and knocked down my door!! I began to notice that though I claimed to have believed in Jesus, I really didn’t believe everything the He said. Oh, how wrong I was, how much time I wasted believing my own thoughts, believing my circumstance instead of Him.

His revelation marked my heart that day, it was like in the movie Santa Clause 3 when Jack Frost gets a hug from little Lucy and the warmth began to melt his heart and took over his body; that’s what happened. God’s love wrecked my heart, broke concepts I had learned and spoke new truth to me. He loved me on my good day, but He also loved me on my bad day. He loved me when I was a great mother to my kids, but He also loved me when I lost my cool and yelled at them. He loved me on the days I was enthusiastic about showing the love of Christ to my neighbors, but He loved me when I failed to do so. He loved me on the days I was strong and didn’t let Satan get in my way, but He also loved me on the days I couldn’t figure out life and would cry like a baby. It didn’t matter what I did that wasn’t so called perfect because He loved me anyways. The biggest impact to me  was that no matter how good I did, that didn’t make Him love me more. It just balanced each other out, HE LOVED ME. PERIOD. No questions asked.

I want to remind you today whether you are a perfectionist like me trying to earn his love and approval or whether you have failed so stinking bad at this Christian walk, God loves you! He is moved by you because He loves you, not by your deeds. Does it grieve God when we sin? Of course, sin separates us from God, from us feeling Him, hearing Him, abiding in Him but not from His love.

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s
love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our
fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers
of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above
or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able
to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus
our Lord.”

-Romans 8:37-39

God gave His son for us on the cross before we even got our act together, before we even knew of Jesus and this was all moved by the love that He has for us. We may consider that we aren’t worthy of it, but He will leave all His sheep to chase down that one sheep that is lost (Matthew: 18:12). I have been that lost sheep not just once, not just twice but countless times and every time He finds me, He reminds me of His love. You may ask yourself why? Why does He love this passionately? This faithfully? Because God is faithful to who He is, so He will continue to do what He said He would, which is love on us, forgive us and pursue us. We have His heart and He just wants ours. If a love like that won’t change you, then what will? He doesn’t want us to come to Him because we are afraid of hell, He wants us to come to Him because He has our hearts.

Sincerely,

Claudia Gomez

Make sure to follow Claudia on her personal IG 

@Claudiasglasshouse